Those of us who are passionate and dedicated to the creation of art often come to a point where you face the body of work that you've created, sigh and the thought "I want more." crosses your mind.
More time to focus on creating, more opportunities to get your work out there, more people to see the work and effort that has gone into this creation...just, more. This simple concept is riddled with a myriad of technicalities and stress. Why is this so hard? I just want to make art. I want the freedom to thrive as an artist.
Unfortunately this is just the reality of life. You get out of school and then you need to support yourself. You have to work exorbitant amounts of time just to keep up on your bills and the little time you have left over is so precious and so little and yet you still choose to spend it making art.
It's time to sit down and really consider the possibilities. What if you actually could have all those things you're woefully wanting. What if you DID have the time, the freedom, the people and opportunities to share your vision? What if your job was your dream job? A Professional Artist.
It's absolutely possibly. I know this not because I can claim this dream as a reality for myself, but because there are people out there doing it right now. It IS possible, no matter how impossible it may seem.
If you've read my other blogs or know me personally, you know that I have been working in the service industry for most of my life. I have put my personal desires on hold in order to try and do what I thought was "the right" thing to do. I have sacrificed and I've made excuses too. Along the way, at times, I even forgot what my hopes and dreams even were. Amongst all of this though, I also grew into an adult. I started thinking about my future, my life as elderly woman someday. I became worried and bogged down by the thought of securing my comfort down the line. Don't get me wrong this stuff is absolutely important, but at what cost does it come? Does it mean sacrificing your dreams only to lay on your deathbed with regret?
After some time of contemplations like these, I sat down and made myself a five year plan with the intention that by the end of those five years, I would be well on my way to realizing my dreams and doing it from a financially stable position. I pursued a career on a completely different path just to get myself to point where I could a afford a car and some basic necessities and save up a little. I took advantage of resources offered by my new position. I started saving money without having to sacrifice food or other needs. It was a real life accomplishment for me. It's cheesy but I rose up against the odds and made a situation where I could work towards my dreams, learn about myself and help others in my life too. I am beyond proud of my accomplishments. However, this journey has been fighting tooth and nail. Through all this hope and biding my time, practicing and honing in on my skills as an artist I met a wall. A series of unfortunate events set me further and further back from my goals. 2.5 years into my 5 year plan and I am almost back to square one. Medical bills and various other life curveballs have exhausted most of my savings and ability to save. More and more responsibilities piling on has left me emotionally, physically and mentally empty.
Now I am contemplating whether or not I have been kidding myself. It's getting harder and harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The depression has started to close in around me and with every new issue that I have to face, my ability to emotionally cope with my responsibilities has weakened. The need to realize my dreams is pressing on my soul. I cannot keep pushing it back and back. I cannot wait forever.
I KNOW that if I really want my dreams to become reality, than I am going to have to fight to MAKE them happen. This is a time in life that I knew I would get to again. I knew taking this all on would seem impossible at times. I knew it. I knew it and I went for it anyway.
Here I am and I just want to give it all up and JUST. MAKE. ART...
...There's a saying that "when life is hard, you have to change".
This is where I'm at. I know something needs to change...something big. The situation that I am in is not sustainable. I have persevered and I have fought hard and I am NOT giving up. I know what I really want in life so why I am I not jumping in headfirst? What do I have to lose? Really?
Why don't I ask myself; What do I have to gain?
Freedom. Opportunities. Time to connect with people who can benefit from what I have to offer.
These are the things that I stand to gain. Is it more of an uncertain path? Yes.
Is it scary as hell? Yes.
Is it a little bit (or a lot a bit) crazy? Yes.
Am I going to make it happen? Well, the answer here is a clear and confident, I don't know.
But you know what? I have to be okay with not knowing, because the alternative is to give up and I'm not prepared to do that.
I don't have all the answers, I just have my hearts desire. I haven't figured out how or what changes I need to make for sure yet, I just know that it's time for me to make a big change.
I am so thankful for the journey that I am on right now, even though I just about can't stand it sometimes. I know these trials a tribulations are shaping me and driving me to follow my heart.
If you're on a shaky and rough path like me, know that we are on this road together. Your dreams CAN be a reality someday. That doesn't mean they will be...but they CAN BE. You just gotta figure out how to make it happen. How do you figure it out? Get your butt up and you try and try again. You don't stop.
I know I won't.
Until next time...